Hearing happens naturally, but listening is a skill that can be
sharpened. We’ve all found ourselves drifting off during an important
presentation or growing bored when we knew we should pay attention. The
seemingly simple path that ideas take from a speaker’s mouth to a
listener’s mind is filled with potential roadblocks. Here are the top
five challenges to active listening and how to overcome these listening
barriers.
Pseudo-Listening is pretending to listen. This may be listening to another conversation in the room or thinking about something else.
No conversation in the room is as essential as the one you are a part of. Become conscious of when you’re drifting. As soon as your attention has shifted away, bring yourself back to the conversation you’re in. Repeat this as many times as you need to. Over time it will become more natural to be engaged in the current conversation.
Scoring points relates everything we hear to our own experience. You
might hear someone who is scoring points respond to what they’ve
listened to by saying… “Oh! That’s nothing. Wait till you hear what
happened to me last week.”
First, acknowledge to yourself that this approach is
counterproductive. Then focus on taking in all of the speaker’s story
instead of responding with your own. Ask them questions about their
experience instead of turning it into an opportunity to talk about
yourself.
Mind reading is predicting what the other person is really thinking. For
example, we say something like, “I bet that’s not the real reason she
came here.”
The problem with Mind Reading is that you formulate your own ideas
instead of absorbing what the other person is saying. When you see
yourself doing this, consciously shift your attention to the speaker.
You’ll be surprised how your perceptions of people change when you start
truly listening to them.
Rehearsing is practicing what we will say next — preparing a clever or witty response and missing what is being said.
Crafting a response in your mind takes you out of the current
conversation, as if your mind were wandering or focusing on your phone.
Listen until it’s your turn to talk. You can offer a more accurate and
informed response by focusing on listening rather than creating your own
script. The answer will come when it’s your turn! Simply stay tuned in
to the speaker.
Cherry picking is listening for a critical piece of information and then switching off. Hearing only what you want to hear.
When you multitask during meetings or presentations — only paying
attention when it seems necessary — you may think you are operating with
efficiency. However, tuning in and out when someone else is speaking
only cheats you out of proper understanding. The more effective approach
is to listen to everything the speaker is saying and then focus on
other pressing matters when you can fully devote yourself to them.
